when a wolf loves a dragon
by yuem
Summary: she wish she could have met him earlier much earlier when she was just a young careless girl perhaps then things would have been much different between them a small series of drabbles reflecting on jon and dany 's feelings first chapter is about dany's feeling for jon through season 7
1. a long forgotten feeling

They meet and something stirs in her, a foreign feeling she had never experienced before

Their eyes lock together and she is lost in the man in front of her _the king in the north_ , the bastard of Winterfell they called him standing tall in front of her challenging her in her own throne room

He ask for her help , her armies and her precious dragon and yet he refuses to submit to her.

it's been long quite a long time since anyone stood out to her this way even her lord hand whom never shied away from questioning her knew how to trade with her

Yet this Jon Snow refused to settle with her or indulge her, he made it quite and clear they he won't bow to her and perhaps that's what's keeping her from cutting his throat : the challenge , the au audacity

At least that's what she tells herself

They share a first conversation alone and neither is ready to give up , in fact standing alone with her she sees his determination more clearly , it's unmistakably shining in his eyes hard to miss but she sees something else there , an intense sadness and sorrow , a deep agony , a yearning for home and a place to call your own a sentiment she knew far too well and perhaps that's why she cave in and offer her help

He is leaving and she can feel her heart tugging in her chest as he walks his way away from her and straight to his death probably.

don't look back she tells herself , don t stare , she repeats the words over and over yet she can't help but wonder , rather dream of another reality

Perhaps if she had met him earlier before Drogo , before her dragons and before she was a queen maybe then she would have asked him _begged_ him to stay but she had long swear that she will never let herself stand behind a man again

Perhaps that's what draws her to him the idea no the certitude that Jon Snow would be a man who would walk nor behind or in front of her butby her side

But after years of shielding herself and standing on her own will she be able to share herself with another man even if she wanted to?

She flies north despite her hand warnings , she knew she was taking quite the risk she was well aware of all that was on stake yet the cold that had spread throw her veins as she read the raven made her forget all reason

'' _I can't do nothing again ''_ she told Tyrion '' _I can't lose him so soon , not yet , not like this_ '' her heart screamed

She stands for what seems to be hours in the blustering cold watching the gates , she is not one to believe in gods yet she hopes , prays to whatever higher power there is out there to bring him back ,

 _Let him live please let him live_ she chanted the words in her head countless times

She could hear Ser Jorah calling for her but she refused to shift her gaze , she didn't want to , she feared that the moment she turned her eyes away all hope will be lost for all

'' _You told me that I make the impossible happen Jon Snow let me make this one impossible thing happen too come back please, come back to me ''_

A figure appears finally and her heart starts beating again .

He knocks at her door and no words are spoken, for words are useless when their eyes speaks volumes when their hearts beat as one , when their bodies press together and collide

As she loses herself in him , in his touch , his eyes gazing at her with such intensity she fears she may melt , she feels a strange feeling spreading throw her heart , warming her soul and sending and a delightful heat through her veins , she can't quite tell what she feels .

For the sentiment feels like a distant memory, long forgotten and buried in the past could it be Lo… ?

 _No_ she could not , she had long ago forgotten how, her heart was simply incapable now but as she looks to his beautiful grey eyes staring at her like she was the moon and the stars she knew without a doubt i _t was love_


	2. what is home

You don't love me anymore? he asked her in a shaky voice laced with sorrow

They been fighting again , it all they seemed to do lately , fight , it was like they couldn't see eye to eye on any matter and every conversation ended with an argument and she hated every minute of it maybe that was what happened when a dragon and a wolf fell in love

She loathed the way the course their relationship had took theses past days and yet she couldn't stop it

She knew better , she knew her temper and how it got the best of her sometimes and yet instead of containing herself and trying to suppress her impulses , she let her anger take a hold of her blinding her vision and Jon's silence only made it worse

They were so different form, fire and ice. a wolf and a dragon

she was a women of words, she always spoke her mind years of fighting to claim what was now hers taught her not to shy away from speaking her mind and holding her own but her king and husband wasn't much for words , he preferred to broad on his own and rarely shared his true mind eve, with her and it made her blood run hotter

Dany sighted in defeat at his words all of her anger fading away in one instant as she stared at her idiotic husband .

Did he really say those words? Has the idea truly crossed his mind ?

It was undeniable that things were tense between them t as of lately but it was quite normal she supposed .

they were ruling over se _ven bloody_ kingdoms still recovering from war, the peace they had fought so hard to obtain was still quite fresh and fragile threating to break at any second , it was too much to handle for both of them and they were still not used to it of course there was going to be tension between them , how couldn't it not be when the weight of the world was literally on their shoulders ?

Daenerys was more than frustrated with the situation she only wished that her and Jon would handle this new challenge together , like they always had, she knew he had so little experience when it comes to being king and he felt lost and out of place and though she had more knowledge than him she was still as lost as he was

Daenerys sighed, all of the anger and frustration of the past days washing away from her , she took a step closer to her husband and put her hand on his cheek forcing him to stare directly into her eyes as she spoke

'' - my entire life I've felt alone , in Meeren , Bravos , slaver' bay whenever I went I was alone . I had countless men sharing my bed and yet as they lay next to me flesh and blood and yet I had never felt more alone in the world , when I started this journey for the iron throne I didn't do it for the power or the wealth I did it because I hoped to find a home , I thought that if I found a place to call my own I wouldn't feel so abandoned anymore . ''

Daenerys stopped her voice breaking a little, her heart heavy with emotions she had buried so deep, Jon sensed her distress and instantly placed a comforting hand on her own , he brought it to his lips and kissed her palms ever so gently

A small smile crossed the queen 's face , her heart skipped a beat at the tenderness of the gesture , her sweet darling husband was always so quick to comfort her .

'' - I had my dragons and my armies and more advisors than I had ever dared hope for and yet I still felt so lonesome until I met you Jon Snow , and gods the world was falling apart around us

we were at war , lives were lost and winter was cruel and yet with you by my side I wasn't alone or abandoned anymore _I was finally home_ , can't you see you northerner fool you are my home Jon and I could _never_ love any less , we are still adjusting to our rules and it hadn't been easy between us but don't you _ever_ dare think that it would ever change my feelings for you , I have loved from the moment our eyes met and I will continue to love you until my last breath "

The tension in the room immediately broke as the words sank in Jon's heart and in mere seconds he launched himself at his wife capturing her lips with his own whispering loving words and apologies as he showered her with kisses.

Daenerys simply melted in his arms for _she was home_


	3. The boy , the man and the King

_The boy_

The boy was Jon Snow of Winterfell, bastard son of lord Eddard stark, a lad with dark curls and grey eyes .

The boy had a father, brothers and sisters, a roof above his head and a hot meal every night and yet the boy didn't have a home for he was no Stark and Lady Catelyn made sure that he is always reminded of his place

He was a bastard with no name, no right and nothing to claim as his own and he would live and die that way a boy born with nothing shall live to achieve nothing

The thought was engraved in his mind, it was the first thing he thought, and about as he opened his eyes and the last thing to cross his mind before he went to sleep.

With his faith already sealed and story written, the boy could only stand and watch

But his lord father was always kind to him and treated him no different than Robb he taught him well and as Jon spared with Robb , Arya cheers ringing in his ears and his Father watching them from a far , Bran and reckon at his side eyes filled with glee , the thought faded away deep in the snow that covered Winterfell and for a moment the boy forgot his name and what he was

In those moments , when he was free of the burden that haunted him , Jon felt like the little boy he really was and in those precious moments , the boy hoped and dreamt of great victories , of winning battles and leading armies of a story where he was a hero and not a pawn .

The boy learnt to cherish those moments and hold them dear , engraving Arya 's laugh in his mind , his father praises in the back of his head , the meals they shared , the rides he took with Robb , the puns his shared with Theon , Sansa 's smile ever so rare and the way it brightened her face , the boy held on to those times as best as he could ,thinking that it was enough and that he could pretend but life was cruel and had no mercy and soon those times were no more

And so they grew and his father was leaving Winterfell, Sansa and Arya were to be wed to lords and kings , Robb was heir to Winterfell and he was what he's always been a bastard named Snow born with nothing

'' _If they want to give you a name take it make it your own. Then they can't hurt you with it anymore "_ Tyrion Lannister told him

so the boy packed his things and set his mind , yes he was a Snow and he 'll carry the name to his grave but he was going to make sure the name will be remembered and talked about in the years to come

The boy died that night before he left, a piece of him buried as he held Arya one last time another as he embraced Robb and kissed Bran's forehead

The last piece was buried as he parted ways with his father along with the tale of the mother he never knew .

The man

The man is born as he joined the Night's watch and yet Jon can feel the boy trying to raise from the ashes and come back to life but he won't allow it for he knew that the boy could not survive the winter and the night was dark and full of terror

The man discovers love , the softness of a women's skin , the feel of a lady's lips and as he held his lover in his arms it was easy to forget the world falling apart around them and bask in the joy that was warming his heart but the man had to discover loss as well

The first loss was of his father murdered far in the south and as he hears the news the boy emerges from the death ready to go fight beside his brother but he no longer a boy but a man, sworn to the Night's watch and a man honored his vows and oaths and for the first time and his life Jon pays the piece for honor

And like a wheel the spins and spins , the man loses again and again brothers and campaigns , Arya and Robb , the lord commander and master Amon even the castle he once called home was lost in the flames and all he had was a body full of scars that tell the stories of those he had loved and had lost

But no loss hit him as hard as when he lost her , the first women he loved .

He held her as she took her last breath men fighting around them and flames burning and as the light faded away from her eyes a new scar appeared but this time in his heart where she 'll always live .

The man is now Lord commander of the night's watch , and despite the scar that still burns so bright in his chest the new title brings him a bit of joy for the boy with no name was now a man with a title chosen to lead but the task was much harder than he thought

He tried to lead the best he could , he had seen enough lives taken and wanted no more and so he tried to unite the north, _the whole north_ for the enemy was real and death was near but together they were stronger

The man was not ready and for that he died: he loved, he fought and he lost, and at the hands of his own brothers he had bled and died out in the blistering cold

The king in the north

He sits in the chair that his father once occupied, the one that was meant for Robb but now is his

He wears the stark Sigel on his armors , he is '' your grace " and '' his majesty ' ' and even thought Lady Lyanna's words warms his heart as the great hall of Winterfell roars with cheers of '' the king of the north '' the ruler is not yet born for he is king but merely a foolish man who is tired of fighting

yet he accept the role he has to play and with Sansa by his side , he swears to protect the north from the storm and keep the death at the gates , he may be no king but he is still a man , a man how knew honor and the value of vows , a man who had once died because he chose to lead , he only hoped he did better this time

'' _you know nothing Jon Snow ''_ she had told him , the girl kissed by fire the women he had once loved , the memory still burns his skin and sends a torrid soreness through his body that even the blade he took to the heart didn't cause

The scars of the heart , he had learned were far quite different than those of the body and as one carried the first kind on his skin in the forms of terrible red marks , the second took roots in our hearts we may think them gone as time goes and memories fade , as we grew older and think of ourselves much wiser and stronger yet they never really perish and in the darkest hours they come reminding of what has been and what had become , time goes by the sun rises in the summer and hides in the winter , flowers grow in spring and trees fall in autumn and we may forget an fail to recall but _the heart remembers_

The king in the north is born in the south, in the throne room of Daenerys Targaryen the dragon queen Jon finally kills the man and let the king sees light at last .

He wants no crown and cares less about the iron throne and yet he refuses to bend and instead choose to lead , he can't quite explain what possess him or what urge had drove him to do so all he knows is that as the Dragon queen stands in front of him head heled high and voice menacing , a fire lights in him .

it spreads through his veins and warms his entire being and he feels like he's burning with the power of a thousand suns and though he ought to be afraid of her for she was a queenand a dragon queen no less, his heart was free of terror because he was king , _the king in the north_ and he will fight for the north

'' _with all respect your grace I don't need your permission I am king ''_

He says the worlds out loud for the first time and he feels liberated from the chains that kept him captive for so long , the feeling is new and so precious like a breeze of fresh air in a hot summer day or warm rays of sun after the storm but as he stares at her beautiful violet eyes he sees it too , the silent conformation and recognition _, '' you are a king , my equal ''_ her eyes said

Images flashed in his mind trailing one after another of the boy who had no name and was destined to a future with no glory, turned man of the night, chosen as the 998th Lord Commander of the Night's watch and now the bastard of Winterfell was not only The King in The North but also a king in the eyes of the mother of dragons

Author note : it doesn't matter what name you were born with , you are who you are and who you want to be and no name can determine what you are , write your own story make your own name


	4. how do we love ? part 1

_Author note : A jon and dany AU story : this is part 1_

'' _\- hey Jon it's me again please call me back we need to talk ''_

She couldn't sleep , she was exhausted she hasn't closed an eye in forty-eight hours and yet her brain was on fire she kept replying the events in her head over and over .

It was pouring rain outside and that only made her want to bury her head in her pillows and never leave her bed, pretend that the world didn't exist , just go to sleep and forget about everything else but she had to do it she _had_ to tell him , her heart was pounding in her chest , her blood was running hot , she could hardly breath , the walls of her room sere suffocating her . _Gods_ How did it get this fucked up ?

'' _\- Jon … she stars voice shaking with emotions . You once told me to never be ashamed of what you are, to embrace it and wear it like and armor. Well here it goes: My father was a vicious cunt and I fucking have daddy issues ok?_

Daenerys stops for a moment gathering her breath as the memories trail in front of her eyes , fights and screams , crappy childhood , her father's insults ,the abuse the hard moments and the image of a small little girl how only wanted to be loved and yet she never was .

'' _\- and it's not a sob story , and I don't want your pity or anything , it is what it is and it made me how I am and I …. I like how I am I like the choices I made and if I haven't grown up with him maybe I wouldn't be here but Jon she says as the first tears stream down her face . It broke things in me, things I don't know how to fix and for so long I thought I could love no one not ever!_

 _For how could I love when I was never loved? I wasn't sure how I could ever share myself with anyone even If I wanted too but then you came along and things changed but fuck I'm scarred ok and I want to love you I do I just don't know how ?! So just please call me let us talk at least for one last time !_ ''

She hangs up the phone not being able to control her tears as she buries her head in her pillow again and sobs so hard she fears she may drown in her own tears, it's still raining outside and she has the urge to go out and let the rain wash away her pain and yet she waits for a message, a call any sign of him but it never comes , eventually she falls asleep .


	5. how do we love ? part 2

She wasn't just beautiful she was exotic like something out of a fairytale with her silver hair, violet eyes and remarkable figure she could charm any man in mere seconds

She was more than just looks, bloody brilliant, passionate , never one to back down from a challenge , she was fearless and Jon could swear that there was in deed a fire in her .

She was the youngest minister of foreign affairs the country has ever known men desired her and women envied her but that' s not we he fell love with her .

He falls in love with her gentle heart the one she tries to hide beneath her sharp looks and wits

He fell in love with the sadness in her eyes, the hidden sorrow in her soul an echo of his own

He fell in love with the way her eyes linger at the sight of a happy family , the emotion in her voice whenever she spoke of children , the bittersweet smile on her face when she told him stories of the house with the red door and the lemon tree

He fell in love with those little pieces of her, so fragile so transparent , one by one they became dear to his heart and in the end he had realized that he was completely smitten with her

'' _you once told me to wear what I was like an armor ''_

 _Gods_ , did she really think that he would see her like some broken little girl ?

Did she really think he would think of her any less because of what she went through , what shaped her into the amazing women she is ?

He wasn't a man of words, he wasn't good with them, they got stuck on his throat and never made it out of his mouth but he thought she knew she didn't need an armor with him , he loved her all of her with the little bruises and damages around the edges

She was no broken soul for him but a beautiful melody, one that has enchanted him and brought him to his knees

If anyone was broken it was him really , at the age of eighteen he enlists in the army because he belonged nowhere , he never knew his mother and though his father had loved him with all his heart his stepmother made sure he knew well his place , he was an illegitimate son , a mistake of his father 's youth and even if he lived under her roof and sat at her table he will never have a place in her family .

War was hell , children were murdered , women were raped , cities burned to aches and everything was covered in blood , whenever he look it all he saw was red he could see it very well if he closed his eyes it was forever imprinted in his mind , the smell stuck on his nose

He was shot during a mission, three bullets one straight to the heart and two in his stomach, he shouldn't have survived all of his mate lost their lives yet he lived he survived .

after that he didn't want to be a solider anymore but he couldn't turn his back on what he saw, pretend it didn't exist so he decided to no longer be a pawn in the game but the one controlling it may be that way he could change things make them better

Most days he still can't believe he is the general chief of the military forces, the title weighted on him and he had swear to be worthy of it .

Most days, he can't believe that he was lucky enough to find her , that after all the atrocities he had suffered life has offered him something as beautiful and precious as her

'' _Fuck I'm scarred ok and I want to love you I do I just don't know how ''_

Her voice cracks at the end and he could tell she was crying , It shatters something in him , his heart breaks at the thought of her agony , at how desperate and lost she seemed and though he was still angry at her , their earlier fight still fresh on his mind , her words clear in his ears hurtful he couldn't ignore the pleas in her voice

He picks up his phone and car keys and head out of the door, he turns the engine on and heads out to see her


	6. how do we love part 3 : the fight

'' YOU HAD NO RIGHT! She shouted at him ! ''

She was fuming, her blood boiled, her voice was laced with anger

'' for _gods_ sake was trying to look out for you Dany ! ''

He shouted back at her equally as mad as she is

It started out as a normal Sunday morning, he was sipping his coffee as she drank her tea while they engaged in small talks .

He could notice the bags under her eyes , she barely slept lately ,her mind seemed elsewhere , she was deeply troubled he could see it in her eyes something was eating her from the inside yet she dismissed his worries and brushed him away

He wasn't convinced at all so he decide to ask Missandei she was her best friend after all , if something was really wrong with Dany than she must know for sure

Messandei didn't give him a straight answer she even refused to tell him anything at first but he nothing but persistent so she finally told him to ask Dany about October fourth and though it wasn't an answer it was better than nothing

The thought lingered in his mind for days , it's all he could think about day and night

October fourth what could it mean? He doesn't recall Daenerys mentioning the date before, kept waiting for the right moment to ask her but there was no such thing as the right moment so he just let out this morning

The moment the words left his mouth , her face twisted in rage , gone was her playful smile and her shining eyes and so their fight has started

'' I don't need you to look out for me ! I never asked you too I am quite capable of taking care of myself, you overstepped you boundaries '' she yelled back at him

'' where in a relationship! You don't ask for these things! We need each other that's how it works!

'' NO I DON 'T NEED YOU ! I have managed quit well on my own for a long while Jon Snow and I do not depend on any men nor will I ever do so don't EVER overstep your boundaries again

Her words cut through him like a sharp blade and she could immediately see the hurt in his eyes as he procced what she said , the air around hem was heavy and full of tension

'' my boundaries? He says after a while, '' is this how it's going to be between us,? Are you always going to set limits in our relationship, ? Please DO ENLIGHTEN me Daenerys! Where exactly do my limits starts? What _parts of you_ am I allowed to know and what parts are supposed to be hidden?

He stops talking and looks at her pointedly eyes heavy and face tired, breath labored from all the screaming the weight of their fight was evident

And then he just says so quietly that she barely hears him

'' _Are you ever going to let me really in? ''_

She doesn't know what to say, the way he says the words break something in her she was hurting him and it was the last thing she wanted to do but she was _so mad_ at him and things got out of control so quickly _gods what a bloody mess_ , she wanted to apologize to erase the pain from his face and jump into his warm face but she couldn't do it she was too angry too bloody proud

She opens her mouth and close it back, words were failing her, she takes a deep breath and says

'' _I …. I don't if I even want to ''_

He pounces at her immediately , her words clearly stirred something in him , her grabs her wrist and trap her against the wall , they're so close that she can feel his breath on her skin , his eyes piercing through her soul , his grey pupils seemed much darker almost night black

She had never seen him like this he was always so gentle , collected and never one to lose his temper and for a moment she is scared , a feeling she never expected to feel in the presence of Jon

'' I am not the smartest man alive , I'm certainly not very charming or amusing and I may be socially awkward but if there's one thing I know to do is _honesty Dany ,_ I 've never lied to you and I'll never will you know EXACTLY how I am , every part , every inch , every scar : I have shared with you because I _love you_ , I want a future with you but apparently you don't want the same "

He steps back from her and before she can even say a word he's out of the door


	7. how do we love ? part 4 : the talk

Author note : ok so it's been really a while since i updated I know , but school was killing me and I really didn't have time , I know a lot of you were confused but the latest chapter I hope this one clear things out

It's quite a long and heavy chapter Dany will be doing most of the talking but the next chapter will have Jon's side of the story hope you like thanks for reading and leave a comment

She opens her eyes and it takes quite some time to adjust to the light in the room for a few seconds she is completely lost, her mind is blank and she doesn't know how long she's been asleep

She buries her face in her hand for an instant and the events of the past hours hit her like a hurricane , the fight , Jon's leaving , her messages , she quickly checks her phone again desperate for a sign of him but any hope she had dies as she stares at the empty screen : no missed calls , no voice message _nothing_ but her look screen : a picture of the two of them happy smiling twisting the knife deeper in her heart

She closes her eyes again trying to stop the tears from falling , trying to ignore the pain growing in her chest and the lump in her throat but it's all in vain as she feels herself slowly drowning in her sorrow

A loud pounding at her door brings her out of her misery , she doesn't answer it at first she is in no mood to speak with anyone but the person outside her door is nothing but persistent

She finally give up and move out of her bed , she take a moment to collect herself a bit and head to the door

She swings the door open and gasps in surprise as she sees him standing there, she blinks twice , three time to make sure she's not dreaming , that he is _really truly_ there

Neither of them dared to move .they stood there for what seems to be ages , she looked at him his hair was messier than usual probably from running his hands through it far too many times his eyes were heavy , laced with sadness and hurt he was spent she could tell .

She knew she was quite a mess herself, eyes puffy from crying , hair all over the place she was tired too , completely worn out even .This fight has quite drained both of them

There is so much she wants to tell him , so much she wants to explain and she has to fight the urge to throw herself in his arms and just forget about everything and all of the shit she caused but she knows it was not the right thing to do , so instead she focuses on what to say to him her mind goes through hundreds of combination of different words but none of them seem right

He used to tell her he was not a man of words that he often found it hard to express his thoughts , she on the other hand had a way with words she knew how to use them to her advantage how to make them powerful and significant but right now words were failing her, they got stuck in her throat and vanished before they reached her mouth

'' You're back '' she says finally breaking the deadly silence around them

His eyes softens as soon as her voice echoes in his ears , he lets out a long sigh and finally takes a step inside closing the door behind him

'' _of course I am_ '' he replies like it's the most evident thing in the world

She doesn't know if it's the tenderness in his voice , or the softness of his gaze but something tug at her heart when his words reach her ears and she feels like she's about to cry

'' _he 's back , he came back ''_ she kept telling herself holding to the thought , seeking comfort and reassurance in it , searching for the courage she needs to have this conversation

She moves to the living room and her follows her silently, she takes a seat in one of the several chairs while he sits on the opposite one far away from her

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes for a second , he doesn't say a single thing, she knows he's waiting for her to speak, she know he won't say a word until she explains herself .

'' you remember Drogo ? I've told you of him '' he frowns at her question confusion evident on his face but he nods and encourage her to continue

'' we dated when I was in college you know this already and by my senior year we were engaged, we were to be married as soon as I graduated, we were planning a life together, he was going to take his father company and I would be by his side, his wife, I would carry his children, a boy or a girl who will take his company after him so I thought … I thought that if I was to share his life I needed to tell him , to confide in him so I told them about my father , about _the cunt_ he was to me how he made every waking moment of my life a living hell how he used to tell me that I was worse than bloody cancer _, and gods it felt good you know_ ?

She is silent for a moment , too lost in the painful memories she feels herself drowning in the past her father's words echoing in her ears haunting her , she feel his warm hand on her own calling back for her bringing her back to reality to present and it gives her the courage to continue

'' he is your father Daenerys no matter what , you must endure '' mother used to say , no matter how hard he hit me or how hurtful his words were mother insisted that we kept quiet

 _I hated her for it_ , I resented her for forcing me to go throw the same pain every time but not as much as I hated him , not as much as I _loathed_ his existence , for years I wanted to scream , I wanted to tell someone anyone , _help me please , help me ,_ it felt like I was suffocating, like my body nothing but a pile of limbs ,I …

Her voice was shaking , hot tears were streaming down her cheeks , her entire body trembling as she wept , she only relaxed when she felt his arms wrap around her small frame , hands soothing along her back as he whispered soothing words in her ears

'' the moment I finished high school , I left that house and never came back , when I told Drogo it felt like a weight was lifted out of my shoulder , and for a while it was wonderful until it wasn't , you see it was the smallest things at first , the way he looked at me sometimes like I was somehow _less of myself_ because of what I told him , like I was weaker , then came the comments ' _' why are you so closed up Dany , is it because of the daddy issues '' '' why are you making things hard Dany , is it because of your father ? ''_

'' our downfall came when I got pregnant , I don't how it happened we were paying attention but it happened , there was a life growing inside me and I was _terrified_ , absolutely horrified but it was with child and I was _scared so scared_ that I won't know how to love him how to take care of that baby but _a part of me_ wanted to give him everything _I never had_ , I wanted to have that child .

I told Drogo, we were in the car, it was raining that day he was furious he wanted me to abort the child he said I wasn't ready, that with my childhood _I wasn't fit_ to raise children , I was _mad_ , he was shouting and so was I , he said he will not let his child be raised by a someone with _Daddy issues_ that if I insisted on keeping the child I was on my own _, he walked out of the door and never came back_ , two days later I lost the child , too much stress they said ,

That _the day Jon that was October fourth_

'' I was la wreck for months I didn't know how to pick myself out, I didn't know how I was anymore or what I wanted, I loved Drogo you see and I wanted him to love me _so much_ that I gave me up pieces of me for him, I kept shifting and rearranging how I was like a bloody pieces of furniture, I let him make decisions for me and control my future because I _wanted him to love_ me , _because I desperately wanted someone to love me_ so I swear to myself that no one will ever use my own scars against me no man will ever treat me any less or look at me like a wounded little dog just because of _what my father was_

 _I am not broken_ , I have scars yes things that will never heal and I am _different_ more guarded but _I am not broken_ , I am _strong_ , I endured I survived and it made me how I am and I am proud of how I am

 _I have issues but I am not my issues! ''_

'' you are not '' he said he eyes serious, voice steady '' you are more than that Dany , you are the strongest person I know , you 're bloody amazing Dany ''

'' there was another man , Daario then he was my assigned security detail for a while , he was quite the man _bold_ , charming and funny he was good to me and with time he grew on me , his presence in my bed was always a comfort , he loved me sincerely I knew it and yet I left him behind without flinching the moment he became an obstacle for my goals and ambitions I turned my back on him a man who loved

I got to where I am today because I never looked back , I never second guessed my decisions and I learned to always have faith in myself , not in men or love in myself in Daenerys Targaryen ad yet that day for the first time in my life I was scared of who I became , it have felt it for years the cold that had crept to my heart the emptiness I sensed deep within even surrounded with people when I left Darrio it was no denying it anymore I was frozen inside , a women incapable of love would never be loved again I thought , she would never have a home or a family and perhaps that was the way life was , for those who never were loved as children were to grow up alone what was that saying ? Children grow up to be their parents? ''

She let out a long sigh of relief, one she did not know she was holding but as she let it out all out in front of him she felt the tension leaving her body and despite how hard it was for her to open those wounds again to go back to those dark and dreadful times she knew she had to but there was on last thing she needed to say to him

'' Everything changed when you came alone ,I met you and my entire world turned upside down she said voice softer '' and _I hated_ you when we first met you challenged me you defied me and you made me question myself and my believes but I _felt_ something for the first time in years I _felt_ something , I felt _alive_ and I didn't intend to for it to happen I didn't plan it and _yet I fell in love with you so so … helplessly_ , I 've tried to fight I pushed you away I 've locked all the doors to my heart yet you sneaked through the bloody windows , I thought I had built my walls so high , high enough that no man can get through them yet you got pass them and I _loved you_ _I was in love with you_ and it was scary and surreal and ….. Jon you make me want to let my walls down _to shatter_ them and watch them crumble and fall to million pieces, but without my walls I don't know what I will be anymore, _and I know_ how sick and twisted that sound, but I have made a home for myself in the middle of all the _hurt_ and _pain_ and _sorrow_ and I don't know how to let you _in it,_ I don't know if I ever could leave that house

I don't know how to get out of it I don't know if I l ever can , but perhaps if I could love you _if you_ could love me enough for the both of us perhaps I could learn perhaps I could build _a home_ ,a new home _with you_ one that is filled with love and happiness .

He didn't say a word, he didn't make a sound but his lips pressing to her own were better than any answer he could have given her, they still had to talk more things over, issues they cannot ignore, she knew she had to give him time to process all what she revealed o him and listen to his piece of mind for what he had to say but for the moment just for a brief second perhaps she could forget perhaps _they_ could forget let it all vanish, get lost in each other , perhaps she could just melt in the warmth of his body and let it mend her wounds and heal her soul , perhaps it was time to believe in something other than herself , to believe not in love but in _him_ in _them_ .


	8. how do we love ? the talk part 2

'' - Where you ever going to tell me any of this? He asks in a soft tone breaking the silence around them , forcing her to get out of their little bubble and face the cold reality ?

She sighs , she 's been expecting the questions , preparing herself for the aftermath of her confession , he has been more than patient with her , listened to her as she laid it all out , he even wiped her tears , and then his lips found her and the rest was just a blur

Now as she lied next to him , It was so easy to forget the real world .

She couldn't think about anything else other than him the when their limbs were tangled together.

It was easy to pretend that everything was alright when his arms were around here holding her so tight against his chest, so tight that she could hear every heartbeat, feel every breath but no matter how hard she tried to ignore reality she couldn't she had to face it .

" I …. I don't think so No " she finally admits

There was no point in lying to him, not when he could see right through her soul and even if he couldn't, Jon deserved the truth .

" Why? Do you really think that I would ever think of you any less because of your past Dany ? Do you ever think that I could ever use it against you like Drogo did ? " he accused .

" Of course not! she responds immediately ,reassuring him , you are not like him Jon I know that , you are a far better man than he will ever be ! this isn't about you it is about me ! "

She closes her eyes for a second, collecting her thoughts, she knew none of this would be easy for both of them but _god_ did it have to be this hard? Why does the words heave to get stuck in her throat like this , why does the letters have to get all tangled up in her tongue and never make it out of her mouth .

" I … I was afraid ok? She whispered I was afraid that you would resent me , _I know you Jon_ , I know your heart , how kind , fair and forgiving you are ,I .. _I am not_ , I could never forgive my father for the way he treated me and if he ever comes knocking at my door I would probably slam it in his face

 _Jon_ there are fragments of me, pieces you don't know , dark ones , cold ones , fucked up ones there are wounds in my heart that will probably never heal but they 're a part of me Jon , they make me how I am and life is no fairytale and _I can't change for you "_

'' _I love you dany ! ''_ he says and his words shake her t to the core

She expected anger, she expected disappointment, hurt, resentment but never in a million years had she expected him to tell her he loved her and once again Dany found herself at loss of words in front of this man .

" You say that now but … " she mumbles

" I am not sure you heard me, , Dany so let me say it again _I love you_ , " he emphasizes . the first time I told you I loved you , I didn't mean that I loved your beautiful golden hair or your violet eyes when I said I loved you I didn't mean I loved you curves or your body when I told you I loved you , I meant that I love how strong , fearless and _fierce_ you are I love how you have a soft spot for children even if you don't want to admit it I also love how cranky you are before you have your coffee , I love your short temper , how easily you can snap at someone when they push the right buttons , I love every part of you Dany , every edge , every detail , so Dany stop making decisions for me let me see those dark parts , let me see your scars I m sure I'll learn to love them just like I love the rest of you and if not will at least it would be my decision , _let me in Dany_ , let me love you , _all of you_ ."

'' _ok_ '' she says with a firm conviction that surprises not only him but herself

There were no doubts in her head no second thoughts no guessing, she knew what the odds at stake too well, she knew the risks how badly it will hurt if this blows up in her face, but she was never one to fear the flames and if Jon was a fire than she would gladly walk into the flames and let it consume her .

Author note : hey guys remember me ? so yeah I didn't update in a century I know but what can I say I am not exactly having the time of my life as if lately anyways enjoy this small chapter and thank you for all of your reviews if I'm writing again it's for you ohh and happy valentine 's day( I 'm late I know )


	9. how do we love ? part 5 : Therapy

'' - _So what brings you here Miss Targeryan_? ''

Why was she here ? There was a lot of ways to answer that question she could say she was here for Jon, a loved one, a man for whom she wanted to be better, she could say she was here because she needed an objective opinion, an outsider point of view on the matter, she could also pretend that she was here to put things into perspective.

However none of those answers were the truth, and as she put her fake smile and composed her most convincing face, the one she reserved for interviews and political negotiations she wondered if Dr Tyrion Lannister will be able to read into her, she had done her research before coming to him and all of her references assured her that he was the best in the field, well she has just about to find out.

'' - My boyfriend and I are having some troubles lately , mainly due to the fact that I don't exactly like talking about my family to him '' she says flatly .

'' - Do you love him ? '' The doctor asks her .

'' - Excuse me? '' the young women blurted in surprise, she certainly wasn't expecting _that question._

'' - _Do you_ ? '' Tyrion repeated ignoring her obvious shock

'' Because if you do , you have to stop lying to him , no one wants to be in love with an impostor ''

' ' - How _dare you_ call me a liar when you know _nothing_ of me or my relationship ! ''

Daenerys snarled outraged already standing up and preparing herself to leave, this man was making her blood boil and she was _not going_ to sit around and listen to him insult her that way !

Tyrion adjusted himself on his chair and mentioned for her to sit back down.

'' - _Miss Targeryan_ , I could humor you all you want and let you pretend that this a matter of privacy and limits but you should know that I am not much for humoring my patients , Now judging by your reaction , you had a crappy childhood didn't you ? , a very shitty one I gather, one that let you all wounded inside and you're afraid of sharing that with the world now I could either address you to one of my colleagues who will humor _all you want_ or you could start by telling me which one was it your dad or you mom ? ''

The young woman was silent for a while, to say she was dumbfounded was an understatement she knew that Dr Lannister used quite peculiar methods but she hasn't expected the renowned doctor to be so crude and direct.

He may have rubbed her in the wrong way but if she was being completely honest with herself his direct manner of speech was quite refreshing.

In her line of work there wasn't really much room for honesty, people around her always calculated every step and every word and sometimes it made her feel like her entire life is one big act .

'' My dad '' Daenerys answered quietly breaking the silence.

'' - _Ahhh_ daddy issues , my favorite kind ' ' Tyrion replies with a sarcastic tone .

'' What was it, addiction , verbal abuse , emotionally unavailable ? ''

'' - No he was no addict just a sick bastard who was incapable of loving his own daughter and didn't miss a single opportunity to remind me that I was worth _nothing_ '' answered the young blonde .

'' - And you proved him wrong , no women at your age before you occupied such a strong position You're a force to be reckon with Miss Targeryan so what exactly are you ashamed of ? '' Dr Lannister questioned leaning into his chair .

Daenerys could lie, she could ignore the question completely or play the offended card and just walk out of the door and never come back but she was tired of always playing the tough girl , the unbreakable , the dragon queen like the media liked to call her , she was tired of running away from her pain of pretending that it didn't exist , so for the first time in really long time Daenerys decided to face her emotions instead of running .

'' - I am ashamed of what he made me _, my father_ , of how broken and shattered I really am . Men look at me and see a beautiful women I can see their eyes following me whenever I walk anywhere , women envy me , politicians fear me they think I am unbreakable but when I look in the mirror I see none of these things , sometimes I feel like if I make _one wrong_ _move_ they will know , they will see that I am just _….. a wreckage_ '' Daenerys admitted softly .

There it was, the ugly truth, deep deep inside the oh so great Daenerys Targeryan was nothing but a scared little girl .

She remembers reading something years ago about how those who grow up deprived of a father 's love are eternal children , she recalls quite well how outraged she was at the statement , how ridiculous the idea seemed to her , but now as she sits in this office the true weight of the statement hits her like a lightening because after all these years and after all she had accomplished right now at this instant she feels like nothing more than a lost child who was never loved .

Tyrion let out a deep sigh. He looked at her intensely, then said

'' Ohhhh but we're all broken Miss Targeryan , some of us are just better than others at hiding it , so let me give you a piece of advice never forget what you are , where you come from what you endured , what you overcome . So you have Daddy issues ? You can't change that , you need to accept it , Suck it up and walk tall for the rest of the world won't let you ever forget that Miss Daenerys so wear it like an armor let your weakness become your strongest t asset and it will _never_ be used against you ''

Daenerys doesn't know what exactly happened next , she was too emotionally drained to recall the details of that day all she know is that she was definitely making another appointment and that this whole therapy thing is going to last for a while .


	10. how do we love ? therapy part 2

'' Have you told him ? " Tyrion asked in a bored voice .

" About what ? " Answered the blond woman, shifting uncomfortably in her seat .

The doctor rolled his eyes , Daenerys was well aware of what he was talking about yet she chose to play the denial card , any other therapist would have founded it quite frustrating that his patient was still in denial after two months of therapy but he liked a challenge and if he was being honest with himself the young politician was starting to grow on him .

" _Why haven't you told Jon about our little sessions Daenerys_ ? " Tyrion chastised the young women , I thought we've been through the whole '' you shouldn't be ashamed of your problems thing ''

'' _I am not ashamed, it's just it's not easy_ '' Daenerys fired back, her famous temper was starting to show .

'' Why the bloody hell not? Let me show you how it goes '' _Hey Jon_ I've been seeing a therapist over the last two months to work on my childhood issues '' _see one simple phrase easy_ .

Daenerys frowned at the doctor, clearly unpleased with his words and all the pressure he was putting on her to tell Jon , Tyrion could see the evident struggle in her eyes, the way she opened and closed her mouth searching for words , the frown that was starting to form between her eyebrows .

'' _He_ won't understand '' she finally settled averting her eyes from the doctor.

Tyrion sighed ; this was clearly going to be a heavy session.

'' He is not supposed to understand, Daenerys _, when you grow up_ without a parent love it leaves a cut in your soul _so deep_ that the wound will never truly heals , it may fade away to an ugly scar over the years but it will _never_ go away , it changes you , it marks you and It leaves you with an agonizing pain that no one can understand , it s not something you can explain or share with others , only those who never knew a parent love can understand Daenerys so you can't expect him to apprehend , because he won't , _he can't ''_ explained the doctor

'' Then what the hell _is the bloody point_? What the hell is all of this therapy bullshit for if the pain never really goes away ? '' hissed the blonde , her voice was shaken with anger .

'' The point is to _accept Dany_ , Tyrion shouted back '' it's easy to let you pain consume you , it's easy to blame your father _for all the wrongs in your life_ , to use him as in excuse , you have daddy issues so you get to throw all of your anger and crap on people and a man who _only wants to love you_ , is that all _you truly are_ , is this all that Daenerys Targeryan _is_ just a lonely bitter child who keeps fucking up her life just because daddy _didn't love her_ . ''

'' I AM DAENERYS TAREGERYAN , minister of foreign affair , I AM one of the most powerful people in this country , I am the youngest woman to ..

'' All of your titles mean shit if you are still a prisoner of your pain , Tyrion interrupted jumping to his feet ''

'' Your father is miles away , yet he still controls you , because he is inside your head , he continued pointing a finger at her , _so what_ you think you're the only one who suffered ? You think Jon had an _easy life_ ? Have you ever considered what he must felt growing up with a woman who _hated him_? How it felt to be constantly reminded that _HE wasn't wanted_ . ?

 _NEWS FLASH_ it must have been _hell_ for the boy , and yet here he is after all of these years , putting his heart on the line , laying it out for you with all of its bruises blisters _for a chance at love ._

Tyrion moved to sit on the couch right next the violet eyes woman , he looked at her straight in the eyes and said in a gentle voice .

'' Everyone has a scar hidden somewhere , everyone is carrying a pain inside them that they cannot explain , that's how life works , it knock you out , it hits you hard in the face , leaves you screaming and crying but _you get up_ you _keep going_ , you may be in pain but you _keep going_ , pain make us human .

It's a _proof_ that we survived that we endured and that in the end of that dark tunnel there was light , a way out , do not get so caught up in your own sufferance to the point where you dismiss others sufferance , or stop living , or feeling , life has showed you its darkest colors but now that it's _finally_ offering you brighter shades you're throwing it away ? "

Daenerys lowered her face; tears were now streaming down her cheeks .

'' What if I just end up with another bruise , what if I just gain more pain ? '' she finally asked in a strangled voice, defeated.

'' Then _you'll live_ , you'll survive just like you always did '' Tyrion comforted , but you would have tried , you would have loved , life is messy and unfair , the world is full of terrible things , war , violence , cruelty so if you have the chance to find a ray of light in the middle of all this madness then _grab it_ , hold on into it , fight for it and if you lose _then you lose_ but you won't have to live the rest of your life wondering _what if_ , remorse is a bitter feeling miss Daenerys , it leaves a sore taste in your throat and eats you alive , _for god 's sake_ Daenerys give yourself at chance at _living ''_

 _Living?_ , then what the hell was she doing for the past years? Last time she checked she was still breathing and blood was still flowing through her veins but was she truly alive?

The answer to that question was simple _she wasn't_ , there was ice running through her body , freezing her blood , surrounding her heart in snowball , she may have been inhaling air all of this time but every breath she took felt heavy , it burned her throat and left a burning sensation in her chest , she had gotten used to the eternal winter that reigned in her soul , to the silence and darkness of her heart , it gets easier after a while , quite comforting actually , to not feel a thing , to not care about anyone but herself , just running from one success to another chasing glory and power , a career, a high position , getting lost in the chaos of politics , letting the lights and the noise drown her but when she was all alone , when everything went quiet for a mere second she felt it the complete hollowness she was carrying inside but then _he came along_ , this man who survived wars and battles , who looked at death straight in the eye and then came back and _yet_ everything about him screamed of _life ._

She was furious at him at first , she remembers being so infuriated with him , she couldn't grasp why someone like him how went through hell and back could still believe in good , in people , in honor _, in life_ why could he be soo alive while she was completely dead inside .

And then slowly yet firmly the anger was starting to transform into something else , something that was drawing her towards him like a magnet and the same fire that was running through his veins was starting to flood through hers , it's like every kiss and every touch of his was breathing life into her soul .

She found herself starting to live again to experience all of these feelings she had long time ago gave up on , she had thought that her heart was no longer capable of feeling all of these different shades of emotions but she was mistaken .

For a woman's heart is made of steel , it suffers, it bleeds, but it endures, it resists and it keeps beating.

Jon captivated her, he forced her to open the doors of her heart for him and she let him so why was she constantly trying to kick him out of the window ? it's like she was standing at the shore watching the waves , feeling the water brushing her toes but too afraid to actually dip into the water . 

Jon was letting her all the way in , he unlocked his doors , always made sure to let his windows open , he wasn't a man of many words , but she _knew_ that every word , every gesture was true , so maybe it was time for the ice to melt , for the sun to shine bright in the sky , maybe _spring was finally here_ , so she can actually try , to trust , to love , to fight , _to live_ .

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